Weary, but not without hope!

What a crazy day! It is 10:30pm on-the-dot and for the first time today, I am at home and actually sitting down!

Started with church, home for a quick lunch, off to Costco and Fred Meyer, home to make dinner for my family, take it all over to my sister's house for her birthday dinner and party, leave there at 7, head home and leave again at 7:30 for a Girls Night with some friends. Finally home now. I am exhausted in more ways than one!

Nothing happens by coincidence, I am confident of that! God orchestrates all things and I am so glad of His timing. I've had a week of dialogue with God that has resulted in a totally different perspective on our move, my Salem life and friends, etc. It's been a dialogue that has been healthy and wonderful and freeing in so many ways.

So, when I talk about what I'm going to talk about, it is not from the old "pity-party" place where I was, even two weeks ago. It is from a healthy place that does not have me longing to run back to Salem, but gives me such an appreciation for what I had there. The feelings and thoughts are not born out of a yearning for yesterday, but a reflection of where I want to go from here. Please keep that in mind. Here goes...

I miss my Salem ladies. I miss my Salem friends. ALL of them! Tonight I went out with some friends and I don't think I said more than about 6 sentences the entire two and half hours. I have begun wondering, (through my dialogue with God this week, actually. I think he was preparing me) if this group is where I'm supposed to be and after tonight I'm thinking it is not. This group of people are just focused on different things than I am. The things they talk about and are interested in aren't "bad" or immoral, just different than my interests. The topics of conversation; I have nothing in common with them (except kids,but we didn't talk about them).

I came home and Layth was all-excited; hopeful that I'd made connections and so he met me at the door and said "did you have fun? I can't wait to hear about it." I wasn't two sentences in before the tears came. Seriously, tears?! I was shocked I felt so strongly about my evening. As we talked it became clear to me. Making connections in a new place is hard; very hard. I was determined to do it though knowing that it takes time. A lot of time. But tonight, I realized (and this is why the tears) that this group is not one I think I will ever truly connect with. I hadn't known that previously. We had never gotten to the level that we finally did tonight for me to know this.

7 months of trying so hard... and now here I am. Back at square one. It's time to start over in some senses. Do I look for a new group?  Is that the answer?   I am sad. I am disappointed. I am weary at the thought of starting "over" again; of taking the time and energy to try a different group while not knowing if it will work out for me in the end.

I am OK though in the deepest part of me because I know God will speak to my longings and in His time my needs in this area will be met. I really am OK. And I'm not writing it to try and convince myself!

"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul."
Psalm 94.19

Thanking God tonight for HIM, that He dialogues with me on a personal level.

Soren asked me the other day how we can hear God talking (he keeps asking if God has told us where our next house is going to be and I told him God hasn't told us yet). We had a conversation about how God talks to us. And man, have I heard God talking to me in so many ways lately. And so clearly! He meets me in my time of need and gives peace to my soul; peace that passes understanding. He's doing it again tonight.

weary on the journey, but not without hope...

--Betsy