On being remade

This is a post I've been working on for a while now, actually.  Most of my posts are just off the cuff, but this one has been percolating for a while.  I think I'll finally post it tonight.  Then I don't have to think about it anymore! 

You'll get the idea as you read it.  It's not written out of woe-is-me, but out of a recognition of what is taking place in my life right now.  And as a result, character is being built and I am maturing.  I'm a slow-learner unfortunately, but slow is better than not at all, right?...

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I feel the pain of it. It is unavoidable. But it is for a good cause and because of that I endure it. Not always with a smile on my face, mind you. I definitely complain about it more than I should, and at times I even fight against it but I'm learning to allow it. And sometimes for a moment, I even embrace it. I'm in the process of being re-made. I keep thinking of the analogy C.S. Lewis uses in his book "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader." Eustace, who is quite the "pill" turns into a dragon at one point and in his misery he realizes just how terrible of a boy he has been. After a few days of dragon-living, he meets the Lion, Aslan (God-figure) and with the help only Aslan can give, he goes through the process of being remade into a boy again. A new boy. A better boy. At Aslan's instructions Eustace begins to "shed his skin," tearing the scales from his body. He does this, but finds another layer of rough, ugly skin underneath so he does it again, and again, and again.  Aslan asks Eustace if he wants his help. Eustace replies "yes," for now he recognizes that alone he can never shed all the layers. As Aslan reaches his claws deep into Eustace's rough and thick skin to remove the ugliness, Eustace feels searing pain, as if the claw has reached all the way to his heart. Oh, how it hurts him. But he endures it. When the process if finally complete, Eustace catches a glimpse of his reflection in a pool and he sees himself... kind of. It is himself for sure, but it is a new Eustace. A somehow different Eustace. A better Eustace.

That is how I am feeling these days. I am being re-made. And it is painful, reaching to levels of the heart I've not dealt with in a long time. Our move and the fact that I am alone in the "desert" here has provided the catalyst for this remaking. I've tried to shed the rough, ugly skin myself while not seeking the help of the only One who can truly remove the unpleasantness. But that it futile and so I am seeking His help in the process.

It is painful, this maturing process. It is a process I would rather not go through but more than my aversion to the pain, I desire to become the Betsy that God intended me to be, not the dragon-Betsy that exists in this world. And to be the person God intends means allowing His hands to do their work to mold, shape, remove and replace the old and ugly with the new, even though it is extremely painful at times.

This process of being re-made is affecting every area of my life. It is a personal journey, but it has affected positively my parenting, the relationship I have with my husband, how I view the world and the interactions I have with others.

I still have layers and layers to go, I realize that. But every scale that falls, every bit of ugly skin that is removed by my Heavenly Father is done in love and with my best intentions in mind and ultimately... it yields a new person. A better person.

I Corinthians 3:18 is one of my favorites:
"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."