God's Faithfulness... I have been thinking about this A LOT lately. As I begin to write this it is Tuesday afternoon and three of the four jobs that Layth interviewed with to the end, have fallen through. For one reason for another. But through it all I am drawn to write about God's faithfulness. I don't know what will happen with this last and final potential position. If this one does not pan out we are "back to square one" so to speak. And yet, if none of these "sure deals" pan out in the end does that mean that God is not faithful? What if we continue down this journey for another 3 months or 9 months or a year? Does that mean that God is not faithful?
God's faithfulness to us is not tied to "things" or circumstances that flow in our favor. Even if we end up losing our house, running out of savings... God is STILL faithful to us. Why? Because as I mentioned, His faithfulness to me is not determined on how He meets my perceived needs.
Think of those who have lost a child, or those who are ill and even through prayer are not recovering. Is God not faithful to them?
God IS faithful to them. God's faithfulness = those things He provides for us and in us, that flow from His character. I have learned this through the last year and a half of my life. I have peace that is inexplicable, joy that radiates from deep within and is not dependant on my circumstances, perseverance that is drawn from somewhere besides myself. God's faithfulness... THAT is what I am experiencing. On a day by day basis. Peace. Joy. Perseverance. All of these find their origin in God. God offers me joy because He is faithful; He is the source of joy. God offers me peace as He proves to me He is faithful; He is the source of peace. God offers me perseverance in a display of His faithfulness; He is the source of perseverance.
So, even if Layth returns from this final interview and is not offered the job. Never will I say "God was not faithful in this circumstance." He has been faithful for He has offered me at all times, His peace, joy and perseverance. THAT is the faithfulness of God.
I am not saying that we should not attribute to God the many-time miraculous ways He provides... in all things; both big and small. He is with us daily and delights in giving us good gifts and providing for us; many times over and above what we can even ask or imagine. But to attribute His faithfulness to only those circumstances which finally come to fruition is to miss the point that He is faithful in ALL circumstances. Even the ones that end "terrible."
I am SO glad that I can count on Him to be faithful. No matter what happens. He is the Well that I draw from and His water (for me right now: peace, joy, persevereance) is never-ending. He is faithful to provide. In Him will I trust, no matter the outcome.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Clothes... and not the jeans & sweater kind!
It's been a while. What's going on? Lots is going on and nothing is going on; which is why I haven't blogged in a while.
Layth continues with his job search. It will be interesting to see where we land. He's pretty excited about one of the potentials that we'll know the answer to soon. We just continue to trust in God. We both know He is faithful and we ultimately want His will. When we pray together about the situation I find that we really are on the same page as far as how we're viewing this season of life.
He's been sick. Like, really ,really sick. Today was the first time I saw him up and around since last Wednesday. He took a nap this afternoon and was down for the count this evening by 7pm, so it's still got him wiped out. But, he is improving each and every day.
Me? I'm busy planning our trip to Salem. Our trip to Arizona. Our trip to the island. So much fun! Had coffee with a friend the other day. That was wonderful. The first time we'd ever gotten together. I really enjoyed it. Had Girls Night with my mom and sis. Always a wonderful experience. It would have been nice to have had another hour or so at dinner since the show went for three hours and so we headed straight home following, but I cherish the time I do get with them.
Still watching little Olivia. What a joy!!
That's about it in my world, I guess. REALLY looking forward to a weekend in Salem. I'm working on connecting with several people there that I've not seen since we moved. Plus, we have a whole-group get together on Sunday afternoon. Can hardly wait.
I started to write the post below a few days ago (I think it was last Saturday, the day it happened) but didn't get it done. I finished it tonight and so here it is. An area of conviction that hit me directly between the eyes.
We were getting ready to leave and I told Keiton, for the third time, to put his pants on (he was running around in his underwear, a common occurrence around here). He sighed heavily and in resignation with jeans in hand he said, "I'm tired of putting my pants on."
My first thought was "oh boy, if you're tired already of putting your pants on at age 3, you've got a LONG life ahead of you."
My second thought was a verse from Colossians that popped into my head. (pesky verse). "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." (Colossians 3:12).
"Oh", I sighed inwardly still overseeing the pants putting on process of my child, "I know how you feel after-all".
I was immediately convicted. How many times a day does God command me to pull on the clothes of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience and I simply avoid the command, thinking to myself instead "I'm simply too tired to do it." I ignore His call to clothe myself as His child and instead, in the nakedness of my own sinful nature, I lash out, give a grumpy retort, or dwell on the injustice done to me. I can always seem to find a justification for discounting His command - especially in THAT situation (you know because you have "that situation" too, everyday): the one where someone is demanding my time or attention when I'm stressed, I'm hungry, things aren't going the way I planned, I have a lot going on, the request is unreasonable... you get the idea. Always something.
And yet, in the same way that I asked my child to get dressed to be ready for the outside world, so God has asked me to "clothe" myself with certain garments as His child. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. These garments reveal to those around me that I am His child. I want to be recognized as His child. I really do. Not only to the world around me, but to my husband and children at home as well. This is where it gets really convicting for me... right here at home. I know I need work in this area. I'm sure that is why the Holy Spirit planted the verse in my mind right at that time. And then wouldn't let it go.
Even though it may be difficult for me to practice these things on a daily and moment-by-moment basis, I am commanded to do it. God did not give me the option, really. He made it very clear. "Clothe yourselves," the verse says - it is an action phrase, complete with a verb. It demands that I DO something which means, unfortunately, that it will not come naturally. (but I already know that!). Anything that does not come naturally is work and takes a certain measure of effort. Like my 3-year old grunting his way into his jeans in obedience to me, even if it is difficult I need obey God, make the choice to overcome my natural state and instead reveal those characteristics that He deems worthy of His children. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Yes, even at home with my husband and children and yes, even in “that situation,” too!
Layth continues with his job search. It will be interesting to see where we land. He's pretty excited about one of the potentials that we'll know the answer to soon. We just continue to trust in God. We both know He is faithful and we ultimately want His will. When we pray together about the situation I find that we really are on the same page as far as how we're viewing this season of life.
He's been sick. Like, really ,really sick. Today was the first time I saw him up and around since last Wednesday. He took a nap this afternoon and was down for the count this evening by 7pm, so it's still got him wiped out. But, he is improving each and every day.
Me? I'm busy planning our trip to Salem. Our trip to Arizona. Our trip to the island. So much fun! Had coffee with a friend the other day. That was wonderful. The first time we'd ever gotten together. I really enjoyed it. Had Girls Night with my mom and sis. Always a wonderful experience. It would have been nice to have had another hour or so at dinner since the show went for three hours and so we headed straight home following, but I cherish the time I do get with them.
Still watching little Olivia. What a joy!!
That's about it in my world, I guess. REALLY looking forward to a weekend in Salem. I'm working on connecting with several people there that I've not seen since we moved. Plus, we have a whole-group get together on Sunday afternoon. Can hardly wait.
I started to write the post below a few days ago (I think it was last Saturday, the day it happened) but didn't get it done. I finished it tonight and so here it is. An area of conviction that hit me directly between the eyes.
We were getting ready to leave and I told Keiton, for the third time, to put his pants on (he was running around in his underwear, a common occurrence around here). He sighed heavily and in resignation with jeans in hand he said, "I'm tired of putting my pants on."
My first thought was "oh boy, if you're tired already of putting your pants on at age 3, you've got a LONG life ahead of you."
My second thought was a verse from Colossians that popped into my head. (pesky verse). "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." (Colossians 3:12).
"Oh", I sighed inwardly still overseeing the pants putting on process of my child, "I know how you feel after-all".
I was immediately convicted. How many times a day does God command me to pull on the clothes of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience and I simply avoid the command, thinking to myself instead "I'm simply too tired to do it." I ignore His call to clothe myself as His child and instead, in the nakedness of my own sinful nature, I lash out, give a grumpy retort, or dwell on the injustice done to me. I can always seem to find a justification for discounting His command - especially in THAT situation (you know because you have "that situation" too, everyday): the one where someone is demanding my time or attention when I'm stressed, I'm hungry, things aren't going the way I planned, I have a lot going on, the request is unreasonable... you get the idea. Always something.
And yet, in the same way that I asked my child to get dressed to be ready for the outside world, so God has asked me to "clothe" myself with certain garments as His child. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. These garments reveal to those around me that I am His child. I want to be recognized as His child. I really do. Not only to the world around me, but to my husband and children at home as well. This is where it gets really convicting for me... right here at home. I know I need work in this area. I'm sure that is why the Holy Spirit planted the verse in my mind right at that time. And then wouldn't let it go.
Even though it may be difficult for me to practice these things on a daily and moment-by-moment basis, I am commanded to do it. God did not give me the option, really. He made it very clear. "Clothe yourselves," the verse says - it is an action phrase, complete with a verb. It demands that I DO something which means, unfortunately, that it will not come naturally. (but I already know that!). Anything that does not come naturally is work and takes a certain measure of effort. Like my 3-year old grunting his way into his jeans in obedience to me, even if it is difficult I need obey God, make the choice to overcome my natural state and instead reveal those characteristics that He deems worthy of His children. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Yes, even at home with my husband and children and yes, even in “that situation,” too!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Reasons for Moving
Tonight, at the end of this weekend, I am feeling "full". So blessed.
Friday's lunch/afternoon date with Jenny and her kids was so good for my soul. And hers too, it would appear. Then Saturday night we had dinner with friends; friends that go way back. Friends originally from Salem in fact. They invited another couple that I had not met previously and we sat around the dinner table for three hours talking about work, our stories, how God was working and interacting in our lives. What real fellowship we shared around that table. It was edifying and focused on things of the Lord. Refreshing.
At one point, Jeff asked Layth why he thought God had moved us to Seattle. Point blank. Layth, without hesitation said "oh, I know why He moved us. There are two reasons He moved us here."
I was intrigued with what he would say - bottom line. We've talked about a lot of things over the months, but never so concise as "these two things."
"Number one," Layth declared, "for Olivia. Betsy's niece. Definetely. There was some prophecy even surrounding that event and I have no doubt that we were moved here to be here for her." (we went on to tell the story)
"And number two" he said and then gestured toward me, "for Betsy to go through a maturing process."
Wow.
There you have it... the reasons we are in Seattle. Olivia and for Betsy to mature. And you know what? I think he's right. I have matured in the past 9 months, more than I can say. I am the same Betsy - still the same personality with the same quirks - but at the same time I am a different person than I was a year ago. I guess my "On Being Remade" post touched on the pain of the process and a general end-result.
I am so glad that God brought me here so that I could mature. Lessons that I needed to learn but was too comfortable to "go there" in Salem have been dealt and learned. I think at one point I talked about how glad I was that we moved because Salem had me "stuck in a rut" and "the only way I could learn certain things was to leave there." I'm not sure that is true. It was my own fault that I wasn't moving forward in Salem... not Salem's fault that I wasn't moving forward. Perhaps even, God tried to get my attention in various ways but I ignored Him, or he gave me tests that I failed to pass. Whatever it was, it was not Salem's fault; it was my own. So God, in His ultimate wisdom and in His love,care and concern for me removed me from that complacent place. And gave me some shock treatment. In the end, it was the way He could get my attention. And, it worked! Like a cold lake on a hot afternoon; a little shocking but oh so refreshing. He is good and I am healthy; all glory to Him.
Specific ways I have matured? Stephanie asked me this question later that night after Jeff and Chrissy left. Layth and I stayed another two hours and the guys talked in one room while Steph and I talked in another and during the course of the conversation she asked me specifically how I was different from when I first moved. I stumbled around - it is so hard to explain something so ambiguous. At the same time, I think it is important to pinpoint the specifics so that I know long-term what has taken place. I think I'm still working through the process and a little bit of time will give me solid perspective. That being said, I have definitely matured, changed... and Layth has obviously noticed it because he was pretty adamant that my maturing process was one of the two main reasons for our move.
This morning at church we actually had three different families that we saw that said "hi" and stopped to talk to us. Thank you, Lord! I took Keiton to his Sunday school and there was Katie - Keiton recognized her too and went right in. SO NICE to have another small person that I recognize besides my own. Shawn and Jenny sat one row behind us in church and then we did Costco lunch together following. Costco was crazy busy and it was chaotic and loud and all that, but it was something together and we found out they love outdoorsy type stuff, they play racquetball... they are spontaneous "when we're in your area we'll drop by your place and you guys feel free to do the same." Wonderful! I'm a little jealous of Jenny, her and three of her good friends from where they moved are spending a week together - no kids - in Disney World here in a couple of weeks. Oh, that would be glorious - to spend several days with my Salem girls somewhere. If any of you read this, how about it? Where and when?! Sign me up!
I have such mixed feelings at this point about Layth looking for a job and potentially moving elsewhere. Crazy, isn't it? I think I'm OK with whatever takes place. Bothell, Auburn, Portland or Salem kind of thing. Although, every week that passes and I make more connections here, plus family being so near, the more difficult it would be to move away, believe it or not. Moving back to Salem would definitely ease the pain (as opposed to starting over someplace else). Just glad that God is in control and I can trust Him. Praying that whatever takes place I have the maturity to handle it well!
Finding maturity -finally - on this journey...
--Betsy
Friday's lunch/afternoon date with Jenny and her kids was so good for my soul. And hers too, it would appear. Then Saturday night we had dinner with friends; friends that go way back. Friends originally from Salem in fact. They invited another couple that I had not met previously and we sat around the dinner table for three hours talking about work, our stories, how God was working and interacting in our lives. What real fellowship we shared around that table. It was edifying and focused on things of the Lord. Refreshing.
At one point, Jeff asked Layth why he thought God had moved us to Seattle. Point blank. Layth, without hesitation said "oh, I know why He moved us. There are two reasons He moved us here."
I was intrigued with what he would say - bottom line. We've talked about a lot of things over the months, but never so concise as "these two things."
"Number one," Layth declared, "for Olivia. Betsy's niece. Definetely. There was some prophecy even surrounding that event and I have no doubt that we were moved here to be here for her." (we went on to tell the story)
"And number two" he said and then gestured toward me, "for Betsy to go through a maturing process."
Wow.
There you have it... the reasons we are in Seattle. Olivia and for Betsy to mature. And you know what? I think he's right. I have matured in the past 9 months, more than I can say. I am the same Betsy - still the same personality with the same quirks - but at the same time I am a different person than I was a year ago. I guess my "On Being Remade" post touched on the pain of the process and a general end-result.
I am so glad that God brought me here so that I could mature. Lessons that I needed to learn but was too comfortable to "go there" in Salem have been dealt and learned. I think at one point I talked about how glad I was that we moved because Salem had me "stuck in a rut" and "the only way I could learn certain things was to leave there." I'm not sure that is true. It was my own fault that I wasn't moving forward in Salem... not Salem's fault that I wasn't moving forward. Perhaps even, God tried to get my attention in various ways but I ignored Him, or he gave me tests that I failed to pass. Whatever it was, it was not Salem's fault; it was my own. So God, in His ultimate wisdom and in His love,care and concern for me removed me from that complacent place. And gave me some shock treatment. In the end, it was the way He could get my attention. And, it worked! Like a cold lake on a hot afternoon; a little shocking but oh so refreshing. He is good and I am healthy; all glory to Him.
Specific ways I have matured? Stephanie asked me this question later that night after Jeff and Chrissy left. Layth and I stayed another two hours and the guys talked in one room while Steph and I talked in another and during the course of the conversation she asked me specifically how I was different from when I first moved. I stumbled around - it is so hard to explain something so ambiguous. At the same time, I think it is important to pinpoint the specifics so that I know long-term what has taken place. I think I'm still working through the process and a little bit of time will give me solid perspective. That being said, I have definitely matured, changed... and Layth has obviously noticed it because he was pretty adamant that my maturing process was one of the two main reasons for our move.
This morning at church we actually had three different families that we saw that said "hi" and stopped to talk to us. Thank you, Lord! I took Keiton to his Sunday school and there was Katie - Keiton recognized her too and went right in. SO NICE to have another small person that I recognize besides my own. Shawn and Jenny sat one row behind us in church and then we did Costco lunch together following. Costco was crazy busy and it was chaotic and loud and all that, but it was something together and we found out they love outdoorsy type stuff, they play racquetball... they are spontaneous "when we're in your area we'll drop by your place and you guys feel free to do the same." Wonderful! I'm a little jealous of Jenny, her and three of her good friends from where they moved are spending a week together - no kids - in Disney World here in a couple of weeks. Oh, that would be glorious - to spend several days with my Salem girls somewhere. If any of you read this, how about it? Where and when?! Sign me up!
I have such mixed feelings at this point about Layth looking for a job and potentially moving elsewhere. Crazy, isn't it? I think I'm OK with whatever takes place. Bothell, Auburn, Portland or Salem kind of thing. Although, every week that passes and I make more connections here, plus family being so near, the more difficult it would be to move away, believe it or not. Moving back to Salem would definitely ease the pain (as opposed to starting over someplace else). Just glad that God is in control and I can trust Him. Praying that whatever takes place I have the maturity to handle it well!
Finding maturity -finally - on this journey...
--Betsy
Friday, February 11, 2011
A High Adrenaline Day
Today was a high-adrenaline day.
Layth had a phone interview this morning that went very well. It landed him an invitation for an on-site interview. While he was on that interview a place in Vancouver contacted him for a second-round of phone interviews to happen in a little over a week. That round will be one hour interviews with 4 different people. And then, he got a call later in the afternoon about another company that would like him to interview - he would have his pick of Seattle or Portland as locations if he landed that job. And then late this afternoon, an email for another interview. So, by my count, he has 8 interviews in the next 10-12 days... So far. CRAZY!
Went over to a friends house today and it was awesome. Soren made a friend and I am SO GLAD. He has been wanting a friend here so much. Kyle is 7 and the first thing they did was get out Battleship to play (which is one of Soren's favorites) and from there they went onto football and soccer outside, then back inside for a round of wrestling, a few games of UNO and then racing a home-made obstacle course over and over and over and over. Soren could not have been happier. Keiton played with Katie most of the time and they got along great. With two older brothers Katie was fine with playing cars and legos and even wrestling. Jenny and I talked. With many, many interruptions of course. It was loud and chaotic, but that's the story of both of our lives and so we just talked in-between the disruptions. We found we could relate on so many levels with our moves and all. It was a healthy talk; not "woe-is-me" stuff, but frank honesty about how we were dealing with things. We'll definitely get together again, soon. We have to, Soren came home in one of her boys' pants after his ended up soaked from tackle football outside. Not sure if they were Kyle or Collins.
Came away with some perspective today as well. Jenny had mentioned earlier that she could not get together one day because she was going to be at the hospital all day. Come to find out, her youngest son (5 years old) has Leukemia! That was a shock. I asked her the story and she told me, and then talked about God's faithfulness, provision and peace through it all. They will be done with treatments in October finally after 2-3 years. We saw some of the effects today as he was on his after-chemo steroids. I am reminded that health is not something I should take for granted and I am thankful to God that as of yet, we have not had any issues like that in our family. What a crazy journey to have such a young child experiencing and enduring that sort of illness.
Tonight was MoPS Auction. I enjoyed it. We came away with home-made bread and a dozen home-grown eggs. Our table had a good time and I definitely feel like I got to know some people better as a result.
Now we're finally home and tomorrow night we're having dinner with some friends we knew from Salem... actually two different couples that we knew in Salem. And one couple from here that I do not know, but the other two couples do. I am very much looking forward to that!
I am also looking forward to sleeping in. I hope i get to sleep in. I'd better get to sleep in.
I am working on my goals for this year. At the end of every December at our anniversary, Layth and I evaluate goals we set from the year before and then set new ones for the upcoming year. We set goals - 4 to 6 usually in each of these areas:
Personal Goals
"Others" Goals - includes ministry, friendships, praying for certain people, etc
Spiritual Goals
Couple Goals - we do these together
Family Goals - we do these together
First, we spend time evaluating how we think we did for each specific goal and then we share with each other how our thoughts. Then we spend time in prayer and set our own goals (personal, others, spiritual) and then share with each other what they are and then we discuss together what we want our couple and family goals to be. It spurs fantastic communication, honesty (we talk very openly with each other about our failures and successes) as well as driving great conversation. Layth and I each have a journal that we bought on our first anniversary that is just for these goal-sessions and so I have a record in one place of all my goals and evaluations since we began. It's pretty cool.
Anyways, one of my personal goals this year is to read through my goals once a month to remind myself of the goals. So, I got it out today again and read through them and chose two to work on in the next couple of weeks. I really like that we do what we do. SO many things have been accomplished as a result of goal-setting in my life personally and in our life as a couple and as a family. I'll have to post sometime about some of the great things that have taken place because we are so vigilant.
That's enough for tonight.
With all these interviews taking place, I can't help but wonder where we'll be and what we'll know in regards to our future two weeks from now...
Thankful for health and peace through the journey...
--Betsy
Layth had a phone interview this morning that went very well. It landed him an invitation for an on-site interview. While he was on that interview a place in Vancouver contacted him for a second-round of phone interviews to happen in a little over a week. That round will be one hour interviews with 4 different people. And then, he got a call later in the afternoon about another company that would like him to interview - he would have his pick of Seattle or Portland as locations if he landed that job. And then late this afternoon, an email for another interview. So, by my count, he has 8 interviews in the next 10-12 days... So far. CRAZY!
Went over to a friends house today and it was awesome. Soren made a friend and I am SO GLAD. He has been wanting a friend here so much. Kyle is 7 and the first thing they did was get out Battleship to play (which is one of Soren's favorites) and from there they went onto football and soccer outside, then back inside for a round of wrestling, a few games of UNO and then racing a home-made obstacle course over and over and over and over. Soren could not have been happier. Keiton played with Katie most of the time and they got along great. With two older brothers Katie was fine with playing cars and legos and even wrestling. Jenny and I talked. With many, many interruptions of course. It was loud and chaotic, but that's the story of both of our lives and so we just talked in-between the disruptions. We found we could relate on so many levels with our moves and all. It was a healthy talk; not "woe-is-me" stuff, but frank honesty about how we were dealing with things. We'll definitely get together again, soon. We have to, Soren came home in one of her boys' pants after his ended up soaked from tackle football outside. Not sure if they were Kyle or Collins.
Came away with some perspective today as well. Jenny had mentioned earlier that she could not get together one day because she was going to be at the hospital all day. Come to find out, her youngest son (5 years old) has Leukemia! That was a shock. I asked her the story and she told me, and then talked about God's faithfulness, provision and peace through it all. They will be done with treatments in October finally after 2-3 years. We saw some of the effects today as he was on his after-chemo steroids. I am reminded that health is not something I should take for granted and I am thankful to God that as of yet, we have not had any issues like that in our family. What a crazy journey to have such a young child experiencing and enduring that sort of illness.
Tonight was MoPS Auction. I enjoyed it. We came away with home-made bread and a dozen home-grown eggs. Our table had a good time and I definitely feel like I got to know some people better as a result.
Now we're finally home and tomorrow night we're having dinner with some friends we knew from Salem... actually two different couples that we knew in Salem. And one couple from here that I do not know, but the other two couples do. I am very much looking forward to that!
I am also looking forward to sleeping in. I hope i get to sleep in. I'd better get to sleep in.
I am working on my goals for this year. At the end of every December at our anniversary, Layth and I evaluate goals we set from the year before and then set new ones for the upcoming year. We set goals - 4 to 6 usually in each of these areas:
Personal Goals
"Others" Goals - includes ministry, friendships, praying for certain people, etc
Spiritual Goals
Couple Goals - we do these together
Family Goals - we do these together
First, we spend time evaluating how we think we did for each specific goal and then we share with each other how our thoughts. Then we spend time in prayer and set our own goals (personal, others, spiritual) and then share with each other what they are and then we discuss together what we want our couple and family goals to be. It spurs fantastic communication, honesty (we talk very openly with each other about our failures and successes) as well as driving great conversation. Layth and I each have a journal that we bought on our first anniversary that is just for these goal-sessions and so I have a record in one place of all my goals and evaluations since we began. It's pretty cool.
Anyways, one of my personal goals this year is to read through my goals once a month to remind myself of the goals. So, I got it out today again and read through them and chose two to work on in the next couple of weeks. I really like that we do what we do. SO many things have been accomplished as a result of goal-setting in my life personally and in our life as a couple and as a family. I'll have to post sometime about some of the great things that have taken place because we are so vigilant.
That's enough for tonight.
With all these interviews taking place, I can't help but wonder where we'll be and what we'll know in regards to our future two weeks from now...
Thankful for health and peace through the journey...
--Betsy
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Nothing Very Exciting
Not a whole lot to say tonight. It's been a good week so far. I love the sunny weather. It brightens my mood and somehow I have more energy. Of course, it also gives the boys more energy. Man, has it been loud and busy in here the last few days. The boys love playing together and will do so for an hour or two at a time, but it is loud play, VERY loud play!
Had MoPS yesterday and it was great. At the end I was asked to be on Steering next year (actually, it's a two year commitment). I declined because I have no idea where we are going to "land" and really, moving is about as likely as staying at this point. I don't want them to plan on me and then I tell them in three months that I'm leaving. So, I told her that I could not commit to it at this point. I'm not sure MoPS is where my heart lies anyways. It has given me a place this year for which I have been very grateful, but my ministry heart-beat seems to lie elsewhere still. It was nice to be valued though for what I could contribute and officially asked.
I did it finally. I got my haircut. I like it I guess. Its shorter than it's been in a while, but still simple like it was and honestly, hardly anyone even notices. But, I feel good with it cut and look forward to two weeks from now when I am used to it and have done it a few times to know the styling method that works best with the cut.
We had family night last night. We played kids' games all evening. Yup, I cannot wait until a couple of years when we can break out the older kids' games. One can only handle so many dozens of games of Uno, Candyland, Chutes and Ladders and Hi-Ho Cherry-O. Soren wanted to play some older kids' games, but we needed to include Keiton too so those are the ones we played. The boys LOVED the evening of course. That definetely made it worth it. Oh, and the fact that Layth said we were earning rewards in heaven for it!
Layth is still interviewing a lot. He had an on-site one yesterday that went well. It's a company that places people for temporary or permanent work. As a result of the interview so far already he has a phone interview on Friday with a place in Bellevue. From the company and the job description it is one that he is pretty excited about. There are 4 people vying for the job though at this point so we'll see what hte Lord has in store.
He has a second-round technical phone interview as well with another place in Seattle on Monday.
The one in Vancouver, we've not heard anymore about, but it still is the best lead he has. He expects to hear about that one the end of this week or beginning of next.
And, that's life right now. Getting together with a friend on Friday afternoon and I'm excited about that. Have plans as well for Friday night, Saturday night and for Valentines on Monday night. Looking forward to a busy and full weekend.
Just heard the dryer stop which is VERY good news because that means I can put the clothes from the washer into the dryer and get myself to bed. Olivia shows up at 5:15am tomorrow morning again and I'm ready to get some sleep in between now and then. Granted, she generally sleeps for another couple of hours but I don't sleep well on these nights afraid I'll oversleep and not be up and downstairs for my sister to arrive and then once I am up, I am finding it almost impossible to go back to sleep.
Alright, nothing deep. Nothing exciting. But you know what? I'm OK with that sometimes! It's rather refreshing actually, now that I think about it.
the journey continues...
Betsy
Had MoPS yesterday and it was great. At the end I was asked to be on Steering next year (actually, it's a two year commitment). I declined because I have no idea where we are going to "land" and really, moving is about as likely as staying at this point. I don't want them to plan on me and then I tell them in three months that I'm leaving. So, I told her that I could not commit to it at this point. I'm not sure MoPS is where my heart lies anyways. It has given me a place this year for which I have been very grateful, but my ministry heart-beat seems to lie elsewhere still. It was nice to be valued though for what I could contribute and officially asked.
I did it finally. I got my haircut. I like it I guess. Its shorter than it's been in a while, but still simple like it was and honestly, hardly anyone even notices. But, I feel good with it cut and look forward to two weeks from now when I am used to it and have done it a few times to know the styling method that works best with the cut.
We had family night last night. We played kids' games all evening. Yup, I cannot wait until a couple of years when we can break out the older kids' games. One can only handle so many dozens of games of Uno, Candyland, Chutes and Ladders and Hi-Ho Cherry-O. Soren wanted to play some older kids' games, but we needed to include Keiton too so those are the ones we played. The boys LOVED the evening of course. That definetely made it worth it. Oh, and the fact that Layth said we were earning rewards in heaven for it!
Layth is still interviewing a lot. He had an on-site one yesterday that went well. It's a company that places people for temporary or permanent work. As a result of the interview so far already he has a phone interview on Friday with a place in Bellevue. From the company and the job description it is one that he is pretty excited about. There are 4 people vying for the job though at this point so we'll see what hte Lord has in store.
He has a second-round technical phone interview as well with another place in Seattle on Monday.
The one in Vancouver, we've not heard anymore about, but it still is the best lead he has. He expects to hear about that one the end of this week or beginning of next.
And, that's life right now. Getting together with a friend on Friday afternoon and I'm excited about that. Have plans as well for Friday night, Saturday night and for Valentines on Monday night. Looking forward to a busy and full weekend.
Just heard the dryer stop which is VERY good news because that means I can put the clothes from the washer into the dryer and get myself to bed. Olivia shows up at 5:15am tomorrow morning again and I'm ready to get some sleep in between now and then. Granted, she generally sleeps for another couple of hours but I don't sleep well on these nights afraid I'll oversleep and not be up and downstairs for my sister to arrive and then once I am up, I am finding it almost impossible to go back to sleep.
Alright, nothing deep. Nothing exciting. But you know what? I'm OK with that sometimes! It's rather refreshing actually, now that I think about it.
the journey continues...
Betsy
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Pink in a black & white (or should I say blue?) World
I began watching Olivia this week. What a joy! I miss her when she's not around and so do the boys. In fact tonight, mom had her for a couple of hours and we went to her place just after she left and as we got out of the car Soren remarked "I hope Olivia is still here."
It was cute the first morning we had her. The boys woke up at their usual time and I was downstairs getting laundry and I guess Olivia must have been making some noises because when I came upstairs a couple of minutes later, the boys were not in their room, but hiding under my bed next to where Olivia was. I told them they could come out and the conversations we had surrounding her that first day were precious. Everything from what she could do, (walk, talk, crawl, etc) to what she should be when she grows up. Keiton calls her "cutie" and Olivia follows him with her eyes. She thinks he's the greatest and will give smiles to him when he's around and paying attention to her.
She brings pink stuff with her... pink socks, a pink burp-rag, a pink blanket and pink hat. By the end of the day of course, these pink things are scattered around - a burp rag on the couch where I last fed her, a pink sock on the floor where it fell off her, a hat on the coffee table next to her carseat from when I took her out. My perception as I go around the house collecting things is that of a black and white existence except for the pink. It's like one of those touched up photos where they do the whole thing black and white except for one particular object that they want to stand out so they give only that thing color. I see black and white and a bring splash of pink... like it is the only thing with color. She brings pink; a color I've not yet known, to my world. I love it! I love her!
Other news:
Felt useful today which was so nice! Our small group prepared lunch for one of the jr high retreat groups. So I took my food over and stayed for lunch. Got to meet some new people which was really nice while doing a service project.
Called Jennie this morning to see if they wanted to get together tonight and she said they totally would, but they were headed to the coast to meet up with some friends of theirs from where they used to live that were there for the weekend. So, we planned a mcd's lunchdate for Monday with the kids. I'm looking forward to it. My first one since I've moved here... 9 months later!
Going over to our small group leader's house tomorrow for the superbowl. Looking forward to that too. It will be nice to just hang with all of them.
Things are finally picking up in my world. Although, I've found that (besides missing the social interaction) I really like the slower-paced lifestyle we have here. Every day is basically the same and its consistent and I'm not overly tired, overbooked or stressed; my house stays fairly clean and I always seem to have time to make a sufficient dinner. I like our pace. It is healthy and relaxing. I am finding that I spend more time with the boys as well and am loving it! I'm finding real joy in parenting. My kids definitely get a whole lot more of me than they ever used too! Slowing down and being "alone" with my family has in many ways opened my eyes to joys that I did not know existed. Namely, the joy of being HOME. (a year ago, I never thought I'd say something like that!).
That being said, we all would like more social interaction and the boys ask consistently if we can visit Salem or invite friends over; that sort of thing. Speaking of Salem, Alicia had her birthday today and had everyone over for cake. I miss Salem. Even though my heart is in a healthy place in regards to our move, I do still miss everyone there. Some days more than others. Tonight I'm missing them a lot. What fantastic friends they are!
And right now, not only am I so very thankful for amazing friends from where I came from, but I'm thankful for life here: for service projects, and a family with kids our kids' age and a planned lunch date, an evening out with adult friends planned for next weekend, our small group leaders who invited us over to spend the afternoon watching football with them, a family that is healthy (on many levels) and a husband that listens to me and talks to me, a baby girl that brings pink to my life while I get to love on her, and family that lives oh-so-close that I can drop in on a moment's notice. So many blessings and so much to be thankful for.
Time for one episode of Eureka before bed.
Finding pink in this journey and thankful for it...
Betsy
It was cute the first morning we had her. The boys woke up at their usual time and I was downstairs getting laundry and I guess Olivia must have been making some noises because when I came upstairs a couple of minutes later, the boys were not in their room, but hiding under my bed next to where Olivia was. I told them they could come out and the conversations we had surrounding her that first day were precious. Everything from what she could do, (walk, talk, crawl, etc) to what she should be when she grows up. Keiton calls her "cutie" and Olivia follows him with her eyes. She thinks he's the greatest and will give smiles to him when he's around and paying attention to her.
She brings pink stuff with her... pink socks, a pink burp-rag, a pink blanket and pink hat. By the end of the day of course, these pink things are scattered around - a burp rag on the couch where I last fed her, a pink sock on the floor where it fell off her, a hat on the coffee table next to her carseat from when I took her out. My perception as I go around the house collecting things is that of a black and white existence except for the pink. It's like one of those touched up photos where they do the whole thing black and white except for one particular object that they want to stand out so they give only that thing color. I see black and white and a bring splash of pink... like it is the only thing with color. She brings pink; a color I've not yet known, to my world. I love it! I love her!
Other news:
Felt useful today which was so nice! Our small group prepared lunch for one of the jr high retreat groups. So I took my food over and stayed for lunch. Got to meet some new people which was really nice while doing a service project.
Called Jennie this morning to see if they wanted to get together tonight and she said they totally would, but they were headed to the coast to meet up with some friends of theirs from where they used to live that were there for the weekend. So, we planned a mcd's lunchdate for Monday with the kids. I'm looking forward to it. My first one since I've moved here... 9 months later!
Going over to our small group leader's house tomorrow for the superbowl. Looking forward to that too. It will be nice to just hang with all of them.
Things are finally picking up in my world. Although, I've found that (besides missing the social interaction) I really like the slower-paced lifestyle we have here. Every day is basically the same and its consistent and I'm not overly tired, overbooked or stressed; my house stays fairly clean and I always seem to have time to make a sufficient dinner. I like our pace. It is healthy and relaxing. I am finding that I spend more time with the boys as well and am loving it! I'm finding real joy in parenting. My kids definitely get a whole lot more of me than they ever used too! Slowing down and being "alone" with my family has in many ways opened my eyes to joys that I did not know existed. Namely, the joy of being HOME. (a year ago, I never thought I'd say something like that!).
That being said, we all would like more social interaction and the boys ask consistently if we can visit Salem or invite friends over; that sort of thing. Speaking of Salem, Alicia had her birthday today and had everyone over for cake. I miss Salem. Even though my heart is in a healthy place in regards to our move, I do still miss everyone there. Some days more than others. Tonight I'm missing them a lot. What fantastic friends they are!
And right now, not only am I so very thankful for amazing friends from where I came from, but I'm thankful for life here: for service projects, and a family with kids our kids' age and a planned lunch date, an evening out with adult friends planned for next weekend, our small group leaders who invited us over to spend the afternoon watching football with them, a family that is healthy (on many levels) and a husband that listens to me and talks to me, a baby girl that brings pink to my life while I get to love on her, and family that lives oh-so-close that I can drop in on a moment's notice. So many blessings and so much to be thankful for.
Time for one episode of Eureka before bed.
Finding pink in this journey and thankful for it...
Betsy
Monday, January 31, 2011
On being remade
This is a post I've been working on for a while now, actually. Most of my posts are just off the cuff, but this one has been percolating for a while. I think I'll finally post it tonight. Then I don't have to think about it anymore!
You'll get the idea as you read it. It's not written out of woe-is-me, but out of a recognition of what is taking place in my life right now. And as a result, character is being built and I am maturing. I'm a slow-learner unfortunately, but slow is better than not at all, right?...
------
I feel the pain of it. It is unavoidable. But it is for a good cause and because of that I endure it. Not always with a smile on my face, mind you. I definitely complain about it more than I should, and at times I even fight against it but I'm learning to allow it. And sometimes for a moment, I even embrace it. I'm in the process of being re-made. I keep thinking of the analogy C.S. Lewis uses in his book "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader." Eustace, who is quite the "pill" turns into a dragon at one point and in his misery he realizes just how terrible of a boy he has been. After a few days of dragon-living, he meets the Lion, Aslan (God-figure) and with the help only Aslan can give, he goes through the process of being remade into a boy again. A new boy. A better boy. At Aslan's instructions Eustace begins to "shed his skin," tearing the scales from his body. He does this, but finds another layer of rough, ugly skin underneath so he does it again, and again, and again. Aslan asks Eustace if he wants his help. Eustace replies "yes," for now he recognizes that alone he can never shed all the layers. As Aslan reaches his claws deep into Eustace's rough and thick skin to remove the ugliness, Eustace feels searing pain, as if the claw has reached all the way to his heart. Oh, how it hurts him. But he endures it. When the process if finally complete, Eustace catches a glimpse of his reflection in a pool and he sees himself... kind of. It is himself for sure, but it is a new Eustace. A somehow different Eustace. A better Eustace.
That is how I am feeling these days. I am being re-made. And it is painful, reaching to levels of the heart I've not dealt with in a long time. Our move and the fact that I am alone in the "desert" here has provided the catalyst for this remaking. I've tried to shed the rough, ugly skin myself while not seeking the help of the only One who can truly remove the unpleasantness. But that it futile and so I am seeking His help in the process.
It is painful, this maturing process. It is a process I would rather not go through but more than my aversion to the pain, I desire to become the Betsy that God intended me to be, not the dragon-Betsy that exists in this world. And to be the person God intends means allowing His hands to do their work to mold, shape, remove and replace the old and ugly with the new, even though it is extremely painful at times.
This process of being re-made is affecting every area of my life. It is a personal journey, but it has affected positively my parenting, the relationship I have with my husband, how I view the world and the interactions I have with others.
I still have layers and layers to go, I realize that. But every scale that falls, every bit of ugly skin that is removed by my Heavenly Father is done in love and with my best intentions in mind and ultimately... it yields a new person. A better person.
I Corinthians 3:18 is one of my favorites:
"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
You'll get the idea as you read it. It's not written out of woe-is-me, but out of a recognition of what is taking place in my life right now. And as a result, character is being built and I am maturing. I'm a slow-learner unfortunately, but slow is better than not at all, right?...
------
I feel the pain of it. It is unavoidable. But it is for a good cause and because of that I endure it. Not always with a smile on my face, mind you. I definitely complain about it more than I should, and at times I even fight against it but I'm learning to allow it. And sometimes for a moment, I even embrace it. I'm in the process of being re-made. I keep thinking of the analogy C.S. Lewis uses in his book "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader." Eustace, who is quite the "pill" turns into a dragon at one point and in his misery he realizes just how terrible of a boy he has been. After a few days of dragon-living, he meets the Lion, Aslan (God-figure) and with the help only Aslan can give, he goes through the process of being remade into a boy again. A new boy. A better boy. At Aslan's instructions Eustace begins to "shed his skin," tearing the scales from his body. He does this, but finds another layer of rough, ugly skin underneath so he does it again, and again, and again. Aslan asks Eustace if he wants his help. Eustace replies "yes," for now he recognizes that alone he can never shed all the layers. As Aslan reaches his claws deep into Eustace's rough and thick skin to remove the ugliness, Eustace feels searing pain, as if the claw has reached all the way to his heart. Oh, how it hurts him. But he endures it. When the process if finally complete, Eustace catches a glimpse of his reflection in a pool and he sees himself... kind of. It is himself for sure, but it is a new Eustace. A somehow different Eustace. A better Eustace.
That is how I am feeling these days. I am being re-made. And it is painful, reaching to levels of the heart I've not dealt with in a long time. Our move and the fact that I am alone in the "desert" here has provided the catalyst for this remaking. I've tried to shed the rough, ugly skin myself while not seeking the help of the only One who can truly remove the unpleasantness. But that it futile and so I am seeking His help in the process.
It is painful, this maturing process. It is a process I would rather not go through but more than my aversion to the pain, I desire to become the Betsy that God intended me to be, not the dragon-Betsy that exists in this world. And to be the person God intends means allowing His hands to do their work to mold, shape, remove and replace the old and ugly with the new, even though it is extremely painful at times.
This process of being re-made is affecting every area of my life. It is a personal journey, but it has affected positively my parenting, the relationship I have with my husband, how I view the world and the interactions I have with others.
I still have layers and layers to go, I realize that. But every scale that falls, every bit of ugly skin that is removed by my Heavenly Father is done in love and with my best intentions in mind and ultimately... it yields a new person. A better person.
I Corinthians 3:18 is one of my favorites:
"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Weary, but not without hope!
What a crazy day! It is 10:30pm on-the-dot and for the first time today, I am at home and actually sitting down!
Started with church, home for a quick lunch, off to Costco and Fred Meyer, home to make dinner for my family, take it all over to my sister's house for her birthday dinner and party, leave there at 7, head home and leave again at 7:30 for a Girls Night with some friends. Finally home now. I am exhausted in more ways than one!
Nothing happens by coincidence, I am confident of that! God orchestrates all things and I am so glad of His timing. I've had a week of dialogue with God that has resulted in a totally different perspective on our move, my Salem life and friends, etc. It's been a dialogue that has been healthy and wonderful and freeing in so many ways.
So, when I talk about what I'm going to talk about, it is not from the old "pity-party" place where I was, even two weeks ago. It is from a healthy place that does not have me longing to run back to Salem, but gives me such an appreciation for what I had there. The feelings and thoughts are not born out of a yearning for yesterday, but a reflection of where I want to go from here. Please keep that in mind. Here goes...
I miss my Salem ladies. I miss my Salem friends. ALL of them! Tonight I went out with some friends and I don't think I said more than about 6 sentences the entire two and half hours. I have begun wondering, (through my dialogue with God this week, actually. I think he was preparing me) if this group is where I'm supposed to be and after tonight I'm thinking it is not. This group of people are just focused on different things than I am. The things they talk about and are interested in aren't "bad" or immoral, just different than my interests. The topics of conversation; I have nothing in common with them (except kids,but we didn't talk about them).
I came home and Layth was all-excited; hopeful that I'd made connections and so he met me at the door and said "did you have fun? I can't wait to hear about it." I wasn't two sentences in before the tears came. Seriously, tears?! I was shocked I felt so strongly about my evening. As we talked it became clear to me. Making connections in a new place is hard; very hard. I was determined to do it though knowing that it takes time. A lot of time. But tonight, I realized (and this is why the tears) that this group is not one I think I will ever truly connect with. I hadn't known that previously. We had never gotten to the level that we finally did tonight for me to know this.
7 months of trying so hard... and now here I am. Back at square one. It's time to start over in some senses. Do I look for a new group? Is that the answer? I am sad. I am disappointed. I am weary at the thought of starting "over" again; of taking the time and energy to try a different group while not knowing if it will work out for me in the end.
I am OK though in the deepest part of me because I know God will speak to my longings and in His time my needs in this area will be met. I really am OK. And I'm not writing it to try and convince myself!
"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul."
Psalm 94.19
Thanking God tonight for HIM, that He dialogues with me on a personal level.
Soren asked me the other day how we can hear God talking (he keeps asking if God has told us where our next house is going to be and I told him God hasn't told us yet). We had a conversation about how God talks to us. And man, have I heard God talking to me in so many ways lately. And so clearly! He meets me in my time of need and gives peace to my soul; peace that passes understanding. He's doing it again tonight.
weary on the journey, but not without hope...
--Betsy
Started with church, home for a quick lunch, off to Costco and Fred Meyer, home to make dinner for my family, take it all over to my sister's house for her birthday dinner and party, leave there at 7, head home and leave again at 7:30 for a Girls Night with some friends. Finally home now. I am exhausted in more ways than one!
Nothing happens by coincidence, I am confident of that! God orchestrates all things and I am so glad of His timing. I've had a week of dialogue with God that has resulted in a totally different perspective on our move, my Salem life and friends, etc. It's been a dialogue that has been healthy and wonderful and freeing in so many ways.
So, when I talk about what I'm going to talk about, it is not from the old "pity-party" place where I was, even two weeks ago. It is from a healthy place that does not have me longing to run back to Salem, but gives me such an appreciation for what I had there. The feelings and thoughts are not born out of a yearning for yesterday, but a reflection of where I want to go from here. Please keep that in mind. Here goes...
I miss my Salem ladies. I miss my Salem friends. ALL of them! Tonight I went out with some friends and I don't think I said more than about 6 sentences the entire two and half hours. I have begun wondering, (through my dialogue with God this week, actually. I think he was preparing me) if this group is where I'm supposed to be and after tonight I'm thinking it is not. This group of people are just focused on different things than I am. The things they talk about and are interested in aren't "bad" or immoral, just different than my interests. The topics of conversation; I have nothing in common with them (except kids,but we didn't talk about them).
I came home and Layth was all-excited; hopeful that I'd made connections and so he met me at the door and said "did you have fun? I can't wait to hear about it." I wasn't two sentences in before the tears came. Seriously, tears?! I was shocked I felt so strongly about my evening. As we talked it became clear to me. Making connections in a new place is hard; very hard. I was determined to do it though knowing that it takes time. A lot of time. But tonight, I realized (and this is why the tears) that this group is not one I think I will ever truly connect with. I hadn't known that previously. We had never gotten to the level that we finally did tonight for me to know this.
7 months of trying so hard... and now here I am. Back at square one. It's time to start over in some senses. Do I look for a new group? Is that the answer? I am sad. I am disappointed. I am weary at the thought of starting "over" again; of taking the time and energy to try a different group while not knowing if it will work out for me in the end.
I am OK though in the deepest part of me because I know God will speak to my longings and in His time my needs in this area will be met. I really am OK. And I'm not writing it to try and convince myself!
"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul."
Psalm 94.19
Thanking God tonight for HIM, that He dialogues with me on a personal level.
Soren asked me the other day how we can hear God talking (he keeps asking if God has told us where our next house is going to be and I told him God hasn't told us yet). We had a conversation about how God talks to us. And man, have I heard God talking to me in so many ways lately. And so clearly! He meets me in my time of need and gives peace to my soul; peace that passes understanding. He's doing it again tonight.
weary on the journey, but not without hope...
--Betsy
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wrestling with God
I am hesitant to even write about it because I know the tendency will be to forget or choose not to heed what I've heard, but here goes...
A couple of nights ago I "wrestled with God." Perhaps you've been there. I couldn't sleep, my mind was going a hundred miles an hour. I was kind of having a pity-party with myself; it was late, I was emotional, tired, thinking way too much. FINALLY, I started talking to God about it all and then... He started talking back. Clearly and in a way I could not ignore, with promptings I could not ignore.
His main message to me? STOP PUTTING SO MUCH ENERGY, TIME, THOUGHT, AND EMOTION INTO LOOKING BEHIND YOU AND FIGHTING AGAINST THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF YOUR CONTROL IN THE PRESENT.
In essence, He told me that I had been wasting time and energy because I have been dwelling way too much on what used to be, getting upset about what might be happening with things that are beyond my control, and experiencing major frustration that I cannot have what I want right now.
"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference!"
In a moment I realized that I had spent a whole lot of time worrying and crying over things that cannot be changed. Holding on to people, places and things that are now in my past.
Now, I don't think the time I've spent doing that - going through the grieving process - has been in vain because it was something I needed to work through to be healthy on the other side (as with any "death", grieving needs to take place to be healthy and it can be a long and even ugly process) but God clearly told me that particular phase of grieving is over. And I needed to be done with it. NOW. Not next week, not next month. Now was the time to let it go. And so, we wrestled a bit... you know, just for an hour or two into the wee hours of the night, until I finally conceded.
I cannot even explain the difference in perspective I have. From one day to the next. From one hour to the next, my whole outlook on life is different. My perspective has shifted and I have focus. Seriously, it was a God-moment. A God-thing. Wonderful.
I started out the post by saying I was hesitant to write about it because I know human nature well enough... no, I know MYSELF well enough to know that I very well may take the whole thing back. The anxiety, the "worry", the wishing, the wondering... In fact, I've had to remind myself already a couple of times that I've given it up and given it over. As soon as I remind myself, the temptation to return to my old ordeal flees from me. The experience and interaction I had with my Heavenly Father the other night was so real and so personal I cannot help but know for sure what I was instructed to do. What a burden has been lifted!
Letting go of these things does not mean that I have to let go of the friendships or the memories or the future relationships with the Salem people that I love. It is more of a mindset that I am adopting in the present. Enjoying the friendships I have from there... but not obsessing over them. This is freedom for me people. This is healthy. This is good!
In other news - yesterday was wonderful. For the FIRST TIME since I've moved here (well, except when Salem friends have visited) I went to a kids play place NOT alone, but with other ladies and felt a part of things. It was just an hour and a half, although Naomi and I did head to Kent Station following and do some shopping together with the kids in the rain. But for that hour and a half I had girlfriend conversation while the kids played. With interruptions of course, for we all had kids there. But it was sooo great! And, I feel like I connected with a couple of ladies better than I have to date. Then last night we ended up staying at small group until almost ten. When we were officially done we just sat and talked and I had a great conversation with one of the ladies for close to a 1/2 hour. It was just a good day (perhaps the best so far since we've moved here) in regards to social interaction. Thank you Lord.
He is showing Himself faithful once again. Not that I'm surprised. The fact that He is faithful has kept me afloat these past few months.
Time to watch a movie now before heading to bed.
With joy on the journey...
--Betsy
A couple of nights ago I "wrestled with God." Perhaps you've been there. I couldn't sleep, my mind was going a hundred miles an hour. I was kind of having a pity-party with myself; it was late, I was emotional, tired, thinking way too much. FINALLY, I started talking to God about it all and then... He started talking back. Clearly and in a way I could not ignore, with promptings I could not ignore.
His main message to me? STOP PUTTING SO MUCH ENERGY, TIME, THOUGHT, AND EMOTION INTO LOOKING BEHIND YOU AND FIGHTING AGAINST THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF YOUR CONTROL IN THE PRESENT.
In essence, He told me that I had been wasting time and energy because I have been dwelling way too much on what used to be, getting upset about what might be happening with things that are beyond my control, and experiencing major frustration that I cannot have what I want right now.
"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference!"
In a moment I realized that I had spent a whole lot of time worrying and crying over things that cannot be changed. Holding on to people, places and things that are now in my past.
Now, I don't think the time I've spent doing that - going through the grieving process - has been in vain because it was something I needed to work through to be healthy on the other side (as with any "death", grieving needs to take place to be healthy and it can be a long and even ugly process) but God clearly told me that particular phase of grieving is over. And I needed to be done with it. NOW. Not next week, not next month. Now was the time to let it go. And so, we wrestled a bit... you know, just for an hour or two into the wee hours of the night, until I finally conceded.
I cannot even explain the difference in perspective I have. From one day to the next. From one hour to the next, my whole outlook on life is different. My perspective has shifted and I have focus. Seriously, it was a God-moment. A God-thing. Wonderful.
I started out the post by saying I was hesitant to write about it because I know human nature well enough... no, I know MYSELF well enough to know that I very well may take the whole thing back. The anxiety, the "worry", the wishing, the wondering... In fact, I've had to remind myself already a couple of times that I've given it up and given it over. As soon as I remind myself, the temptation to return to my old ordeal flees from me. The experience and interaction I had with my Heavenly Father the other night was so real and so personal I cannot help but know for sure what I was instructed to do. What a burden has been lifted!
Letting go of these things does not mean that I have to let go of the friendships or the memories or the future relationships with the Salem people that I love. It is more of a mindset that I am adopting in the present. Enjoying the friendships I have from there... but not obsessing over them. This is freedom for me people. This is healthy. This is good!
In other news - yesterday was wonderful. For the FIRST TIME since I've moved here (well, except when Salem friends have visited) I went to a kids play place NOT alone, but with other ladies and felt a part of things. It was just an hour and a half, although Naomi and I did head to Kent Station following and do some shopping together with the kids in the rain. But for that hour and a half I had girlfriend conversation while the kids played. With interruptions of course, for we all had kids there. But it was sooo great! And, I feel like I connected with a couple of ladies better than I have to date. Then last night we ended up staying at small group until almost ten. When we were officially done we just sat and talked and I had a great conversation with one of the ladies for close to a 1/2 hour. It was just a good day (perhaps the best so far since we've moved here) in regards to social interaction. Thank you Lord.
He is showing Himself faithful once again. Not that I'm surprised. The fact that He is faithful has kept me afloat these past few months.
Time to watch a movie now before heading to bed.
With joy on the journey...
--Betsy
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The Roller-coaster of job hunting
Man, I forgot what a crazy roller-coaster ride looking for a job can be. The interview that Layth had yesterday that went so well didn't mature into anything else. We got home tonight and found an email from the recruiter saying they were going to pursue other candidates. Weird, actually. The Company Recruiter really liked Layth and told him she'd talk to the manager about an on-site interview and get back to him soon, so it must have been the hiring manager who decided not to pursue him. We know that Layth had the recommendation from the recruiter. So, that job is a dead end. I know that Layth was excited about the possibility and so that makes me sad that it stopped where it did. But, the Lord has something else in mind and I'm OK with that when all is said and done. (and so is he). Still, my stomach sank as I read the email and I have the icky feeling now. By tomorrow I'll be fine, but rejection is never fun.
An OK day. The normal really. Take Soren to school, come home and shower, clean house some, listen in on Layth's interview, debrief with Layth about his interview. Andrea called then and we talked for an hour. Definitely the highlight for me. Reading with Soren, quiet time that included reading and a quick nap. Then I got up and cleaned like crazy for two hours. Took the kids to AWANA and then Layth and i went out for dinner where we talked (well, I did most of the talking, I guess). Pick up kids, come home and put them to bed, watch Chuck and now blog.
Nothing more to really say today I guess. Replaying bits and pieces of the conversation I had with Andrea. Still debriefing it in my mind as I come to conclusions. Wish this move could just be clean and smooth and not so complicated. But it is what it is.
The journey continues...
--Betsy
An OK day. The normal really. Take Soren to school, come home and shower, clean house some, listen in on Layth's interview, debrief with Layth about his interview. Andrea called then and we talked for an hour. Definitely the highlight for me. Reading with Soren, quiet time that included reading and a quick nap. Then I got up and cleaned like crazy for two hours. Took the kids to AWANA and then Layth and i went out for dinner where we talked (well, I did most of the talking, I guess). Pick up kids, come home and put them to bed, watch Chuck and now blog.
Nothing more to really say today I guess. Replaying bits and pieces of the conversation I had with Andrea. Still debriefing it in my mind as I come to conclusions. Wish this move could just be clean and smooth and not so complicated. But it is what it is.
The journey continues...
--Betsy
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Three Lines of Thought
FINALLY. I found someone that understands and has affirmed that "it's OK how and what you're feeling and going through."
But first, I don't know how to narrow down what I want to write about tonight. I have too many thoughts!
1. Thoughts that have been percolating in my head for weeks now, confirmed first by a comment in Pastor Mike's sermon and now again in this morning's DROP'S post.
2. A friend who now does "Ten on Tuesdays" on her blog. Ten random things about whatever that you post every Tuesday, bullet-point style. Fun, or what!?
3. More thoughts on our move from Salem and how I'm coping, inspired and affirmed by my Breaking Free study.
Maybe I'll touch on all three, but first I have to start with Keiton's prayer tonight at dinner.
"Dear Jesus, thank you for my friends and for my family. And I pray that mommy and daddy don't fall and break their heads or their necks so that I don't see mommy and daddys blood all over. Aaamen!" I'll tell ya, never a dull moment here. Even at prayer time!
A great day today. Bible study this morning (it was fantastic and meaningful), followed by listening in to a phone interview that Layth had that went very well (they're scheduling an on-site interview now), followed by some reading and even a short nap. Get up and clean, someone else calls for Layth to schedule a phone interview for tomorrow morning, I get an email inviting me to a play-date (OK, it's for our whole MoPS table, but I'll take it!), make dinner and then "Family night". The boys have been BEGGING to go to the Bouncy House place in the mall since they first laid eyes on it two months ago. Finally tonight we went. They played hard for two hours while Layth and I sat and played cards, talked and read some. A McD's icecream on the way home and now I'm here blogging. A nice pace.
OK, on with my issues.
I think I'll start with #3 first. My move from Salem.
Beth Moore in her Breaking Free study on the day of "Hearts Broken by Loss" after listing a bunch of losses she went through including death of someone close to her, the loss of a 7-year foster son of theirs, two of her best friends moving away and more says this:
"Many emotions have swept over me during the last two years, but if you asked which emotion served as the common denominator, I would not hesitate to say grief. In fact, I was somewhat taken aback over the feelings of grief accompanying the moving of my two best fiends. The grieving seemed out of place to me in relation to my other losses yet oddly unavoidable."
Then the question for the reader to answer was this:
"What about you? Have you ever experienced feelings of grief that surprised you or almost seemed inappropriate through a change in jobs, homes, health or relationships?"
YES! YES! YES! This is EXACTLY how I've felt the last several months since the move. Like the grief I've felt at moving (largely due to leaving the SNG Group) has been "inappropriate". I mean, I moved NEAR family! Who wouldn't want that? What in the world do I have to complain about or be missing?! So, I've felt guilty as I've been dealing with my grief, totally surprised by the magnitude of it and confused at the struggle. I knew I would be sad about leaving and have to give it some time, but never did I think I would literally go through the grieving process. FINALLY, Beth affirmed me. She goes on, right after the question above to say, "God finally opened my eyes to see that grief was not inappropriate. Each of my experiences represented a kind of death." Yup.
And then I could totally relate to her when she's talking about her two friends leaving. She says "With the departure of my two best friends I experienced the death of instant camaraderie, of expected company at many events, of relationships I had known for many years and of pure togetherness. Best friendships with long histories are not easy to replace."
I would add to this... the departure of small "seemingly" insignificant things like quick phone calls for clarification on something said earlier or to ask for a recipe or to confirm a time or date; of spontaneous get-togethers; of sharing small details of our lives and partaking in the daily grind together. The departure of feeling needed and like I was contributing to a relationship whether it was watching kids, being a listening ear, or making a meal. The departure of all the little things that make close friendships; real-life friendships what they are.
So many things that are a loss that merit grieving! And, it's OK! Yes, my getting over leaving has been a bigger deal than I ever thought it would be but I have found this to be true. As Beth writes "Anything that breaks the heart is a legitimate reason for seeking the healing only Christ can bring." And, He is bringing healing. I feel it. I know it. I've leaned on him for fellowship, camaraderie and emotional support in the last few months like I haven't done in years. He's been my Only friend and sound-board more times than I can count recently. And, He's healing my heart and I'm learning that there is life after the loss. Just as Mary and Martha went through two days of the intense grief of losing their brother before Jesus came and brought new life, so right now, I am going through some grief. But Jesus is meeting me where I am and HE is bringing new life. It doesn't look the same as it did in Salem. My life has changed. Things are different; they never will be the same. But "I have the invitation from Christ to rise to a new life - a more compassionate life, a wiser life, a more productive life. And yes, even a better life." (Beth Moore, again!). I still don't have "friends" here per se, but I am experiencing joys. There is life, because He is the Resurrection and the Life! What hope He brings!
Next, Ten on Tuesdays (I need a break from heavy thinking and writing).
1.- Layth had an interview today that went well. They said they would contact him about an on-site interview. It's in Seattle. Good pay and from what he has researched a good place to work. The job is a good fit for him as well.
2. -Layth has another phone-interview tomorrow morning. This time with a place in Portland. He's really excited about this possibility because the company is rated as one of the top 10 companies to work for in the country.
3. -Soren is reading like crazy now. I started him on more complex books today at quiet time and tonight he read one of the chapters to Keiton.
4. -I am going on a play-date with some ladies from MoPS on Thursday morning. Yaa!
5. -The burner on my stove has finally been replaced. I now have TWO burners that work. Very good news around here.
6. -We had a great weekend in Ellensburg this past weekend. Lots of rest and good food.
7. -I made blueberry boy-bait. OH MY GOODNESS, is it good! A DEFINITE recipe keeper. Wow, that was good stuff. (notice I said "was").
8. -I am feeling inspired to start scrapbooking again. I'm thinking online scrapbooking. We'll see if it goes anywhere.
9. -My life. It's not very exciting. I cannot even think of 10 things to say!
10. -I've decided that blogging is good therapy for me. Thoughts that I have in my head are written down as I work through them resulting in concrete ideas. That's good.
And now, onto #1 on my list up top. I've got scattered thoughts about this one, so I hope I can pull my thoughts into a coherent stream of words.
Blogs. I'm writing one so obviously I am not totally anti-blog, BUT... I have found that for myself many of them do more harm than good. In fact, I read VERY few blogs anymore. Only the closest of friends.
I've been thinking now for weeks about this. Blogs can portray anything the author wants the blog to portray. A perfect home. Perfect kids. Perfect spirituality. Perfect wife or perfect husband... And, even though some may post about the "imperfections" they still manage an aura of perfection when all is said and done. How? They blog only about stories that are complete with a happy ending. They blog after the fact about whatever WAS/USED TO BE imperfect. They begin with "this morning I got up and it started as a terrible day," or "my house was so messy I could barely function," or "my kids did it again" but then they go on to relate the rest of the story that ends with their attitude totally turning around and them having the best day ever because they had some epiphany, or they learned some great spiritual analogy through their messy house as they cleaned, or their kids, even though they started out disobeying or whatever finally realized what they were doing and apologized to mommy and to God. The stories are all wrapped up with a nice, red, shiny bow leaving the reader with a good feeling because whatever mess the author started out in turned out OK after all. In fact, the author learned and grew from it, even. And usually as the reader we are at the same time left feeling inadequate because of the messes we are in that are not turning out so well; our life continues to be about imperfections and there are no shiny red bows.
We never step into the MIDDLE of one of these struggles. And the struggles that are portrayed more times than not, are finally admitted too or written about AFTER the struggle has been conquered. And so what do I do as a reader of these blogs? Compare. And, maybe that's my own issue. But, I get tired of the deception that can come through blogs. Not that the authors are meaning to deceive and yes, I have definitely been inspired through some that I've read, but every-day REAL LIFE is generally not wrapped up in a bow with a happy ending. Some stories are, but those are only the ones we ever hear about.
Which is kind of why I blog like I do. No happy ending. My story is a journey. My struggles are real and I face them every day; day in and day out, day in and day out. I am not victorious over nearly as many issues as the ones I continue to struggle with.
Pastor Mike, in his sermon a couple of weeks ago said something to the effect of, "even though we are more connected than EVER before in history through media outlets such as facebook, twitter, text-messaging, etc we do not feel more significant because we can share with everyone what is going in our lives; we feel more insignificant than ever." Well, sure! Because daily I see on facebook the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect cook, the perfect friend, the perfect kids, the perfect... EVERYTHING. that I am not!
See, no red bow on this one, either. Although after writing now I've got more thoughts that have popped up, but they are not developed at all so I'll have to think of them and maybe write about this subject again later.
One disclaimer: Blogs with a purpose are great. Drops for example; wonderful! Recipe blogs that post recipes; great stuff. I like those.
It's just the "everyday people" ones that only have happy endings no matter the beginning struggle that I have a hard time with. Right now... I'm not going to say that my perspective won't and can't change on this matter.
OK. I think that's enough for tonight. I'm exhausted. And, this has been the longest blog post ever I think.
Goodnight to you all.
Traveling life's journey in the grip of His grace,
--Betsy
But first, I don't know how to narrow down what I want to write about tonight. I have too many thoughts!
1. Thoughts that have been percolating in my head for weeks now, confirmed first by a comment in Pastor Mike's sermon and now again in this morning's DROP'S post.
2. A friend who now does "Ten on Tuesdays" on her blog. Ten random things about whatever that you post every Tuesday, bullet-point style. Fun, or what!?
3. More thoughts on our move from Salem and how I'm coping, inspired and affirmed by my Breaking Free study.
Maybe I'll touch on all three, but first I have to start with Keiton's prayer tonight at dinner.
"Dear Jesus, thank you for my friends and for my family. And I pray that mommy and daddy don't fall and break their heads or their necks so that I don't see mommy and daddys blood all over. Aaamen!" I'll tell ya, never a dull moment here. Even at prayer time!
A great day today. Bible study this morning (it was fantastic and meaningful), followed by listening in to a phone interview that Layth had that went very well (they're scheduling an on-site interview now), followed by some reading and even a short nap. Get up and clean, someone else calls for Layth to schedule a phone interview for tomorrow morning, I get an email inviting me to a play-date (OK, it's for our whole MoPS table, but I'll take it!), make dinner and then "Family night". The boys have been BEGGING to go to the Bouncy House place in the mall since they first laid eyes on it two months ago. Finally tonight we went. They played hard for two hours while Layth and I sat and played cards, talked and read some. A McD's icecream on the way home and now I'm here blogging. A nice pace.
OK, on with my issues.
I think I'll start with #3 first. My move from Salem.
Beth Moore in her Breaking Free study on the day of "Hearts Broken by Loss" after listing a bunch of losses she went through including death of someone close to her, the loss of a 7-year foster son of theirs, two of her best friends moving away and more says this:
"Many emotions have swept over me during the last two years, but if you asked which emotion served as the common denominator, I would not hesitate to say grief. In fact, I was somewhat taken aback over the feelings of grief accompanying the moving of my two best fiends. The grieving seemed out of place to me in relation to my other losses yet oddly unavoidable."
Then the question for the reader to answer was this:
"What about you? Have you ever experienced feelings of grief that surprised you or almost seemed inappropriate through a change in jobs, homes, health or relationships?"
YES! YES! YES! This is EXACTLY how I've felt the last several months since the move. Like the grief I've felt at moving (largely due to leaving the SNG Group) has been "inappropriate". I mean, I moved NEAR family! Who wouldn't want that? What in the world do I have to complain about or be missing?! So, I've felt guilty as I've been dealing with my grief, totally surprised by the magnitude of it and confused at the struggle. I knew I would be sad about leaving and have to give it some time, but never did I think I would literally go through the grieving process. FINALLY, Beth affirmed me. She goes on, right after the question above to say, "God finally opened my eyes to see that grief was not inappropriate. Each of my experiences represented a kind of death." Yup.
And then I could totally relate to her when she's talking about her two friends leaving. She says "With the departure of my two best friends I experienced the death of instant camaraderie, of expected company at many events, of relationships I had known for many years and of pure togetherness. Best friendships with long histories are not easy to replace."
I would add to this... the departure of small "seemingly" insignificant things like quick phone calls for clarification on something said earlier or to ask for a recipe or to confirm a time or date; of spontaneous get-togethers; of sharing small details of our lives and partaking in the daily grind together. The departure of feeling needed and like I was contributing to a relationship whether it was watching kids, being a listening ear, or making a meal. The departure of all the little things that make close friendships; real-life friendships what they are.
So many things that are a loss that merit grieving! And, it's OK! Yes, my getting over leaving has been a bigger deal than I ever thought it would be but I have found this to be true. As Beth writes "Anything that breaks the heart is a legitimate reason for seeking the healing only Christ can bring." And, He is bringing healing. I feel it. I know it. I've leaned on him for fellowship, camaraderie and emotional support in the last few months like I haven't done in years. He's been my Only friend and sound-board more times than I can count recently. And, He's healing my heart and I'm learning that there is life after the loss. Just as Mary and Martha went through two days of the intense grief of losing their brother before Jesus came and brought new life, so right now, I am going through some grief. But Jesus is meeting me where I am and HE is bringing new life. It doesn't look the same as it did in Salem. My life has changed. Things are different; they never will be the same. But "I have the invitation from Christ to rise to a new life - a more compassionate life, a wiser life, a more productive life. And yes, even a better life." (Beth Moore, again!). I still don't have "friends" here per se, but I am experiencing joys. There is life, because He is the Resurrection and the Life! What hope He brings!
Next, Ten on Tuesdays (I need a break from heavy thinking and writing).
1.- Layth had an interview today that went well. They said they would contact him about an on-site interview. It's in Seattle. Good pay and from what he has researched a good place to work. The job is a good fit for him as well.
2. -Layth has another phone-interview tomorrow morning. This time with a place in Portland. He's really excited about this possibility because the company is rated as one of the top 10 companies to work for in the country.
3. -Soren is reading like crazy now. I started him on more complex books today at quiet time and tonight he read one of the chapters to Keiton.
4. -I am going on a play-date with some ladies from MoPS on Thursday morning. Yaa!
5. -The burner on my stove has finally been replaced. I now have TWO burners that work. Very good news around here.
6. -We had a great weekend in Ellensburg this past weekend. Lots of rest and good food.
7. -I made blueberry boy-bait. OH MY GOODNESS, is it good! A DEFINITE recipe keeper. Wow, that was good stuff. (notice I said "was").
8. -I am feeling inspired to start scrapbooking again. I'm thinking online scrapbooking. We'll see if it goes anywhere.
9. -My life. It's not very exciting. I cannot even think of 10 things to say!
10. -I've decided that blogging is good therapy for me. Thoughts that I have in my head are written down as I work through them resulting in concrete ideas. That's good.
And now, onto #1 on my list up top. I've got scattered thoughts about this one, so I hope I can pull my thoughts into a coherent stream of words.
Blogs. I'm writing one so obviously I am not totally anti-blog, BUT... I have found that for myself many of them do more harm than good. In fact, I read VERY few blogs anymore. Only the closest of friends.
I've been thinking now for weeks about this. Blogs can portray anything the author wants the blog to portray. A perfect home. Perfect kids. Perfect spirituality. Perfect wife or perfect husband... And, even though some may post about the "imperfections" they still manage an aura of perfection when all is said and done. How? They blog only about stories that are complete with a happy ending. They blog after the fact about whatever WAS/USED TO BE imperfect. They begin with "this morning I got up and it started as a terrible day," or "my house was so messy I could barely function," or "my kids did it again" but then they go on to relate the rest of the story that ends with their attitude totally turning around and them having the best day ever because they had some epiphany, or they learned some great spiritual analogy through their messy house as they cleaned, or their kids, even though they started out disobeying or whatever finally realized what they were doing and apologized to mommy and to God. The stories are all wrapped up with a nice, red, shiny bow leaving the reader with a good feeling because whatever mess the author started out in turned out OK after all. In fact, the author learned and grew from it, even. And usually as the reader we are at the same time left feeling inadequate because of the messes we are in that are not turning out so well; our life continues to be about imperfections and there are no shiny red bows.
We never step into the MIDDLE of one of these struggles. And the struggles that are portrayed more times than not, are finally admitted too or written about AFTER the struggle has been conquered. And so what do I do as a reader of these blogs? Compare. And, maybe that's my own issue. But, I get tired of the deception that can come through blogs. Not that the authors are meaning to deceive and yes, I have definitely been inspired through some that I've read, but every-day REAL LIFE is generally not wrapped up in a bow with a happy ending. Some stories are, but those are only the ones we ever hear about.
Which is kind of why I blog like I do. No happy ending. My story is a journey. My struggles are real and I face them every day; day in and day out, day in and day out. I am not victorious over nearly as many issues as the ones I continue to struggle with.
Pastor Mike, in his sermon a couple of weeks ago said something to the effect of, "even though we are more connected than EVER before in history through media outlets such as facebook, twitter, text-messaging, etc we do not feel more significant because we can share with everyone what is going in our lives; we feel more insignificant than ever." Well, sure! Because daily I see on facebook the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect cook, the perfect friend, the perfect kids, the perfect... EVERYTHING. that I am not!
See, no red bow on this one, either. Although after writing now I've got more thoughts that have popped up, but they are not developed at all so I'll have to think of them and maybe write about this subject again later.
One disclaimer: Blogs with a purpose are great. Drops for example; wonderful! Recipe blogs that post recipes; great stuff. I like those.
It's just the "everyday people" ones that only have happy endings no matter the beginning struggle that I have a hard time with. Right now... I'm not going to say that my perspective won't and can't change on this matter.
OK. I think that's enough for tonight. I'm exhausted. And, this has been the longest blog post ever I think.
Goodnight to you all.
Traveling life's journey in the grip of His grace,
--Betsy
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Fighting Blues with productivity
Once again, I had the blues and had a choice to make: throw a pity-party or do something productive. I chose pity-party for about a 1/2 hour after I woke up from my nap. A 1/2 hour of misery was enough for me; so I chose productive. THAT was the right choice!
Went to church and took Tim and Lilly with us. Sure do love having them join us when they can.
I found our camera. It's been missing for months. So long in fact, that we bought a new one!
I totally cleaned out the hall closet. I wish I'd taken before and after pictures! It started out when we moved in as a some-storage-but-mostly-game closet and had become the "dumping" place for anything and everything that didn't have a place yet. It still acts as some storage, but it it clean, organized, and I now know what is in there. Plus, I found the camera! Waaaaay back in the corner. The boys must have had it in there b/c I've not been that far back into the corner of the closet since we moved in.
Am working on organizing and reformatting all my recipes. A project I've wanted to do now for 5-7 years, but haven't. Currently, my recipes are on scraps of paper, index cards, full sheets of paper and more! Now, they are slowly being entered one by one into a 1/2 sheet format that will be printed on card-stock, 3-hole punched and placed in a small binder that is categorized custom by me; the way I think. BEAUTIFUL!
Took an hour nap today. That was nice.
Read to the boys for 45 minutes. We've started the Narnia Chronicles and are about halfway through the first one - The Magician's Nephew. Soren is understanding it all. I'll stop and ask him questions occasionally about what has already taken place and he gets them right every time. I'll also ask him questions like "what do you think might happen if Digory rings the bell?" He anticipates well. His answer for this question: "I think maybe all those people sitting in the chairs are going to come alive." He is totally into the story.
Watched the "Never Ending Story" with the boys tonight. Haven't seen it since I was a kid. Has a whole lot more meaning now as an adult. Great stuff. I think I'll suggest it for our next "family movie night."
And, tried not to think of Salem today. It's been a hard weekend in regards to missing "home" and I'm not sure why. I shouldn't complain too much though. When I make the choice to not have a pity-party but do something productive a whole lot of great things happen! I find cameras, I get game closets organized, I do projects that I've wanted to do since before kids were born...
OK, I'll be honest. This weekend, I'd trade it all to be back in Salem!
Back to recipes. Gotta long ways to go. And, I'm not in Salem anymore.
--Betsy
Went to church and took Tim and Lilly with us. Sure do love having them join us when they can.
I found our camera. It's been missing for months. So long in fact, that we bought a new one!
I totally cleaned out the hall closet. I wish I'd taken before and after pictures! It started out when we moved in as a some-storage-but-mostly-game closet and had become the "dumping" place for anything and everything that didn't have a place yet. It still acts as some storage, but it it clean, organized, and I now know what is in there. Plus, I found the camera! Waaaaay back in the corner. The boys must have had it in there b/c I've not been that far back into the corner of the closet since we moved in.
Am working on organizing and reformatting all my recipes. A project I've wanted to do now for 5-7 years, but haven't. Currently, my recipes are on scraps of paper, index cards, full sheets of paper and more! Now, they are slowly being entered one by one into a 1/2 sheet format that will be printed on card-stock, 3-hole punched and placed in a small binder that is categorized custom by me; the way I think. BEAUTIFUL!
Took an hour nap today. That was nice.
Read to the boys for 45 minutes. We've started the Narnia Chronicles and are about halfway through the first one - The Magician's Nephew. Soren is understanding it all. I'll stop and ask him questions occasionally about what has already taken place and he gets them right every time. I'll also ask him questions like "what do you think might happen if Digory rings the bell?" He anticipates well. His answer for this question: "I think maybe all those people sitting in the chairs are going to come alive." He is totally into the story.
Watched the "Never Ending Story" with the boys tonight. Haven't seen it since I was a kid. Has a whole lot more meaning now as an adult. Great stuff. I think I'll suggest it for our next "family movie night."
And, tried not to think of Salem today. It's been a hard weekend in regards to missing "home" and I'm not sure why. I shouldn't complain too much though. When I make the choice to not have a pity-party but do something productive a whole lot of great things happen! I find cameras, I get game closets organized, I do projects that I've wanted to do since before kids were born...
OK, I'll be honest. This weekend, I'd trade it all to be back in Salem!
Back to recipes. Gotta long ways to go. And, I'm not in Salem anymore.
--Betsy
Saturday, January 08, 2011
A productive day
Quite the productive day today. I honestly think it was my way of trying to forget the fact that for some reason the SNG Group were all getting together. (perhaps Madelyn's birthday? I'm not included in the group emails for events - I don't live there - so don't know for sure, but I do know her b-day is tomorrow, so the party likely was today. Sad, since we've been at every single one of her b-day parties since they moved to Salem).
But, regardless, I had quite the day.
Slept in, cleaned house like mad for over two hours, made homemade chicken noodle soup, chocolate chip cookies, a key-lime pie, cleaned up after Layth's homemade granola mess, did two loads of laundry, watched the Seahawks play their way into NFL history, tended to the boys with meals, squabbles, cleaning up their stuff and more, and got the house ready for family to come over tonight to watch Fox's Family Movie Night at 8. Mom and Scott have now left. Tim and Lilly are staying the night and going to church with us in the morning. Love having family around.
The football game today was 4 hours of pure adrenaline rush. I did not realize what I have been missing this whole time living in Oregon with no pro football team. It was a ton of fun and I can't wait until next week's game. Layth says I've corrupted the kids. They ran around yelling "Go Seahawks, Go Seahawks." Beautiful. At one point he also said that perhaps I should not watch any more football. I guess I was pretty into it. Good stuff.
Supposed to snow tomorrow. We'll see. We've had so much snow so far this winter, that it's hardly a "big topic" around here anymore. I think we've had snow on the ground as much as we've not this winter so far. This whole week is "supposed" to be one storm after another. I hope so!
The weeks stretch out before me and I really don't have anything planned. So weird. What a different life I now lead. I know I've said it before, but it is just SO DIFFERENT! In some ways, this is a good thing. One thing I am loving more and more are our own family outings. I think in Salem I had this view that if someone else wasn't going us, it really couldn't be much fun. I was always into "let's invite someone, I don't want just us to go, it's more fun with other people." Now, I get soooo excited to go out - just the 4 of us. I love my little family. I love that we enjoy being together, just us. I get excited thinking about spending family night together, or going into downtown with Layth and stopping at the Children's Museum for a couple of hours, just the four of us. We love being together.
Another positive that has come out of this move has been the way the boys interact with each other. Seriously, it is always just the two of them, day in and day out and they have learned to lean on each other, play for hours with each other, love on each other and enjoy just being together. They stick together and I love to see that. I'm glad they have bonded in such a special way. Really, we only have each other; besides family around here, we've not made any other connections. Therefore, we have bonded together as a unit, happy to be together, and appreciating what God has given to us in each other.
Time for bed now. Gotta get up and get everyone ready for church in the morning.
--Betsy
But, regardless, I had quite the day.
Slept in, cleaned house like mad for over two hours, made homemade chicken noodle soup, chocolate chip cookies, a key-lime pie, cleaned up after Layth's homemade granola mess, did two loads of laundry, watched the Seahawks play their way into NFL history, tended to the boys with meals, squabbles, cleaning up their stuff and more, and got the house ready for family to come over tonight to watch Fox's Family Movie Night at 8. Mom and Scott have now left. Tim and Lilly are staying the night and going to church with us in the morning. Love having family around.
The football game today was 4 hours of pure adrenaline rush. I did not realize what I have been missing this whole time living in Oregon with no pro football team. It was a ton of fun and I can't wait until next week's game. Layth says I've corrupted the kids. They ran around yelling "Go Seahawks, Go Seahawks." Beautiful. At one point he also said that perhaps I should not watch any more football. I guess I was pretty into it. Good stuff.
Supposed to snow tomorrow. We'll see. We've had so much snow so far this winter, that it's hardly a "big topic" around here anymore. I think we've had snow on the ground as much as we've not this winter so far. This whole week is "supposed" to be one storm after another. I hope so!
The weeks stretch out before me and I really don't have anything planned. So weird. What a different life I now lead. I know I've said it before, but it is just SO DIFFERENT! In some ways, this is a good thing. One thing I am loving more and more are our own family outings. I think in Salem I had this view that if someone else wasn't going us, it really couldn't be much fun. I was always into "let's invite someone, I don't want just us to go, it's more fun with other people." Now, I get soooo excited to go out - just the 4 of us. I love my little family. I love that we enjoy being together, just us. I get excited thinking about spending family night together, or going into downtown with Layth and stopping at the Children's Museum for a couple of hours, just the four of us. We love being together.
Another positive that has come out of this move has been the way the boys interact with each other. Seriously, it is always just the two of them, day in and day out and they have learned to lean on each other, play for hours with each other, love on each other and enjoy just being together. They stick together and I love to see that. I'm glad they have bonded in such a special way. Really, we only have each other; besides family around here, we've not made any other connections. Therefore, we have bonded together as a unit, happy to be together, and appreciating what God has given to us in each other.
Time for bed now. Gotta get up and get everyone ready for church in the morning.
--Betsy
Thursday, January 06, 2011
A journey through 2010 in photos
2010 – the year that kind of “never was” and yet resulted in the biggest changes in our life as a family, to date!
Our year started out with a wonderful 3-day get away at the Lakehouse at Black Lake
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| One day while at the Lakehouse the whole group came up to Seattle. Here is a picture of our family. Little did we know at that point that soon we would call this area "home" and Layth would work blocks from the location where this photo was taken. |
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| Great memories at Black Lake. This one, just before a windstorm came up that took the power out. From the left: Stephanie, Alicia, Andrea, Paul, Matt, Meghan, Vance, Layth, Justin... and then me, behind the camera. |
The day after Layth moved out, the boys and I left on a two week San Diego/Arizona road trip. What fun we had! The boys were amazing travelers and we had a great time with grandpa and grandma Rowles hanging out in their RV first on the beach of San Diego desert of Arizona Oregon
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| Me with the boys in San Diego at the park |
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| In San Diego on the beach playing with grandpa and grandma Rowles |
A photo of the boys. One of my favorite shots.
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| Soren and Keiton - Spring 2010 |
Keiton turned 3 in 2010! I made him a baseball cake and we celebrated quietly at home.
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| Keiton with his baseball cake on his 3rd birthday |
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| Keiton asleep on the night of his 3rd birthday |
Finally, June rolled around and it was time for us to leave Salem Kent , WA Kent Salem
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| Our Kent, Wa dwelling. |
Three weeks later, we spent a weekend at our Island Vacation House with our good friends, the Hammonds. It was a weekend none of us will ever forget as I had “the last swing”… and my first helicopter ride!
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| A photo of the last swing. Just after this was taken my hand let go of the rope swing and I plunged to the ground below landing on my head and neck resulting in loss of memory and the inability to move my head and neck. The island firefighters were called and then Life-Flight was called. |
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| Being wheeled to the helicopter for Life Flight to Harborview. Loss of memory and no movement in neck at this point. |
My brother and his family (the KAL pals) came out for two weeks this summer and my dad visited the same time. What a blast all of us had together for two weeks. Hikes at Mt Ranier, visits to downtown Seattle
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| Scott's 40th with all of us there! |
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| At the Island House |
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| Lori, Ken, Kristen and Lilly: The 1/2 marathon runners! |
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| Loescher Family pictures |
August
Our annual SNG Camping Trip. This time at Black Lake
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| The Annual Camping Trip: The West Family (Matt, Meghan, Christian, Nika); the Rowles Family (Layth, Betsy, Keiton, Soren); The Zuniga Family (Katie, Josh, Alex) and the Lunde Family (Andrea, Paul, Nathaniel, Benton) |
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| At Black Lake while camping |
Soren turned 6 years old. He loves seafood so I made him a crab cake for his birthday. A week later the Salem Salem
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| Our family in front of the crab cake I made for Soren's 6th birthday |
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| Soren loves his crab cake for his 6th birthday |
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| Katie Zuniga made him a cake for his birthday party in Salem! What a great party that was. |
September
Soren started Kindergarten.
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| Soren on his first day of kindergarten in front of his locker |
October
Layth and I had a formal night out which resulted in Pizza for a year and 8 Sounders Tickets. What fun!
November
Layth and I took a MUCH NEEDED 5-day get away to San Jose Del Cabo and relaxed for the first time in a year. We are so thankful for the frequent flyer miles that bought us such a luxurious time away!
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| Layth and I on the beach in front of our resort. The temperature was between 82-87 the entire time were there. Perfect! |
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| Barcelo Los Cabos Palace Deluxe. Our resort. |
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| One day we went snorkeling and sailing on the sea of Cortez. What great memories. |
Olivia Louise – the little girl I dreamed of by name before I even knew she was to be – was born on Thanksgiving Day.
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| Olivia Louise - born on Thanksgiving day |
December
My birthday. Complete with a Red Robin birthday dinner and then a fun evening with family at Bellevue Square Snowflake Lane
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| All of us, at Bellevue Square on my birthday. |
Christmas family photos.
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| "Formal" Family Christmas Picture |
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| The Loescher cousins minus the KAL Pal girls in Virginia. Tim, Lilly, Soren, Keiton, James, Moriah, Olivia, Launa |
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| Informal picture of us on Christmas morning just before we opened gifts. |
And finally, between Christmas and New Years: The family enjoying a rather spontaneous 3-day get away to our Island Vacation House just after the loss of Layth’s job.
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| On Hat Island. It was cold and clear and beautiful the entire time we were there. |
We finished out the year back at the Lakehouse at Black Lake with our SNG Group of friends. A perfect way to start and end a year!
What a crazy and "different" year 2010 turned out to be for us. We had so many changes in our lives and challenges to face and overcome. With God as our source of peace and joy, and through the perseverance only He can provide we muddled through and grew as individuals and as a family as a result.
Here's to 2011 and a God who is in control not only of the world at large around us, but also of OUR small world as a family and individuals.
I can't help but wonder since we are at the same place we were last year (just living in a different location): What will this next year bring?!
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